Mum to be panic: 1

Today I have been mostly worrying about prams.

I've been reviewing all the baby stuff we have to buy and most of it seems fairly obvious and straight forward. Socks for example. I completely understand the purpose and use of socks and how to buy socks. Baby socks are causing me no strain whatsoever.

Prams are a different matter. WTF is going on with prams? They are the most complicated things in the baby universe. I consider myself an averagely intelligent person but each visit I make to a pram website turns me into a nervous gibbering wreck. The descriptions of them rival those of the most complicated cars. For example this one.

Contemporary elegance and true style delivers the presige collection. With close attention to detail and a wide range of textile combinations the prestige is the perfect start in a secure environment. Developed for children from birth to approx 3 years. The prestige provides the highest level of security, practicality, comfort and style. As a travel system, the prestige has a complete range of matching tailored car seats (available extra).

Erm OK.

It's not just the flowery descriptions, its the technical terminology that goes with it that leaves me in a flummoxed sweat.

The luxurious carrycot has many features such as locking rails, ventilated carrycot base and integral air vent installed in the hood for summer strolls. 

I can grasp the concept of a ventilated carrycot base but what the heck are locking rails?

What further distresses me is that prams often appear to be sold without certain things you need. Some prams for example you need to buy the rain cover separately. Now this strikes me as a bit mean on the part of the manufacturer but hey, at least I can determine what a rain cover is and whether or not I want one (living in the Sahara Desert, probably not, living in the UK, absolutely).

However some appear to be sold without parts that I don't even know if I need. For example this buggy is sold without a 'chassis' although we are reassured that we can buy one separately if needs be.

Nowhere from the website however can I determine what a 'chassis' actually is, whether or not I need one or if the whole pram will fall apart without it.

So at the moment I gear myself up mentally to look at prams, look at a few for five minutes, determine I have no idea what I am looking at and wish I was a marsupial, then retreat to bed to rest my weary nerves.

Or look at baby socks.

Family Tree Research: They got my name wrong!

I don't know if it's because there is a baby on the way, or because a new series of 'Who do you think you are' has just started airing on the BBC, but I've suddenly developed the urge to look into my roots more deeply.

I've signed up to a free trial of Ancestry.com and started digging around. The best way to start is to begin a family tree with your own details and start filling in as you go.

So far all I've found are these quarterly birth certificate reports. These are not your individual birth certificate which you use all your life when you need to prove your identity, apply for a passport and so on, but a big index of names of people born in a particular region during a three month period. They just list your first name, surname and your mothers maiden name. These reports are submitted to central government once a quarter and have been since approximately 1916.

I found mine.

They got my name wrong.

Literally totally wrong. My first name has been totally changed by the first two letters. I know it's my record because it's the correct date, has my somewhat unusual surname and my mothers maiden name.  It has to be me.

This leaves me with one of two possibilities. My mother has lied to me my whole life about my name. When I was born she gave me this 'other' name, but decided once the post labour pain killers had worn off that it didn't fit me. So she somehow she went back in time and had my individual birth certificate altered so that it displays my 'current name' and the shameful secret of my 'other' name has been confined only to this quarterly record.

Or somewhere a civil servant fell pray to the curse of my 'current name'. I'm thinking this is the more likely option because I've experienced the curse before. My 'current name' is rather unusual. There are currently less then 2000 people in the UK with my first name. It's a simple name in my opinion but for some reason in it's written form it renders people completely incapable of the previous simple task of copying one word from one document and onto another.

I have lost track of the number of times someone has read aloud from a register or list something that vaguely sounds like my name, but actually isn't. The hotel reservations I have almost lost because technically they are in someone else's name altogether. The emails I have received in response to emails which I myself have written which, despite the fact that my name is clearly spelt in big clear letters in my signature, the author of the reply has decided to spell my name completely differently.

I want to know what goes through peoples minds when the curse hits. Do they look at how I, the owner and user of my name, have spelt it and think to themselves 'nah, she can't possibly have meant that's how her name is spelt, what she actually must have meant is ______'. Not even just odd spellings, but actually changing the first few letters so that the sound of the name is totally different too. I just can't understand the thought process. OK, OK my name is unusual. I get it that you might not spell it right the first time if you hear it over the phone. But why the heck can't you copy it down correctly when it is written in front of you!

It is now late and I should go to bed. I will ponder this mystery in my dreams and in the morning quiz my mother to see if she has actually been telling the truth all these years.