Fail of the day - racism in football

Over the past couple of years I've been getting into football. I'd been a nominal supporter of my local team all my life, but I hadn't really paid much attention to their progress. However since I met my husband I've been drawn more deeply into the world of football and became more and more interested in the game. I now regularly watch Sky Sports on a weekend to keep up with the scores. A few months ago I actually had a conversation with a man about football and knew exactly what I was taking about. 

So it was with some interest that I heard about a new talented player who is part of the Brazil team. Neymar who is just 19 was the goal scorer in a recent match between Brazil and Scotland. 

Unfortunately during the match Neymar experienced a racist attack. A banana was thrown onto the pitch and some fans were booing while he was on the ball. His team mate, a man who also plays for English team Liverpool, removed the banana from the pitch and later said to reporters from Brazilian TV "There is no more space for racism in the world.Europe is where it happens the most. That has to change, everybody is equal today and it's a matter of respect."

Neymar also spoke to the press and complained about his treatment - all in a very reasonable and calm manner. You can see his comments here. 

http://edition.cnn.com/2011/SPORT/football/03/28/football.neymar.banana.police/index.html

The issue was investigated and it was agreed that some fans were booing. It also transpired that it was a German student who through the banana.

However in a massively insensitive move the Scottish FA have asked for an apology from Neymar or the Brazilian FA. 

Yes you read that correctly. They are not giving him an apology. They are asking him for an apology - because he happened to mention in calm tones to a journalist that he'd experienced a racist attack. He didn't claim all Scottish fans were racist, he didn't blame anyone in particular. He didn't ask for revenge. He merely stated that he felt the 'atmosphere of racism was sad'. 

This is part of the statement from the Scottish FA.

SFA chief executive Stewart Regan said "the unfounded allegations" threatened the good reputation of Scottish fans.

An investigation by Arsenal, in whose stadium the friendly match was played, and the Metropolitan Police concluded that no Scot was involved in the banana-throwing incident, while match commander Mark Sheeran praised the Tartan Army's conduct.

"The Scottish fans' behaviour was first class," he said. "There were no issues at all inside the stadium."

In an SFA statement, Regan added: "It is very disappointing that this episode threatened to overshadow an entertaining match, played amidst a real carnival atmosphere created by supporters of both teams.

"Scotland and Brazil have played many times over the years, each time in a colourful and friendly environment, and we feel that it's necessary to draw a line under Sunday's events.

"Scotland's supporters were genuinely upset and annoyed that the unfounded allegations levelled against them threatened to sully their reputation as fair, good humoured and respectful spectators.

"As the matter has been resolved, and Scotland supporters cleared of any involvement, we felt it was only right that we acted on behalf of our supporters to request an apology either from the player involved, or the Brazilian FA."

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/scotland/12925272.stm

OK number one, if you think it's necessary to draw a line under the event - why not do just that. Don't mention it again. 

Secondly who cares if the nationality of the person who threw the banana was German. Clearly he was sat amongst the Scottish supporters, so how could anyone have known that he wasn't Scottish when the incident occurred.

Thirdly, why the heck should Neymar have to apologise for an attack that happened to him. It did happen, it was on camera and it was clearly a racist attack. He should be the one who is receiving the apologies, not giving them. 

This is a sad day for football.

Thoughts on cleaning and housewifery

My poll has closed and a massive 2 people voted. One of you has a strict cleaning rota, one of you does jobs as they go.

Interestingly for me this 50/50 split seems to pretty much describe my situation as it is now. I have drawn up a rota for myself and I aim to follow it but it's just not happening and I've just been doing things as they arise and wandering around my home in a sort of bewildered daze

What gets me about the cleaning is how cleaning seems to begat more cleaning. I clean something but that leads me to see more dirt where I wasn't aware there was dirt before. So I clean that but then I find more dirt. I've found surfaces I didn't even know existed. For example this morning I was dusting our coffee table when I noticed there is a small rim around the bottom of it, a small rim which was filled with crumbs and dust. This is now clean too but it leads me to wonder if I'll ever get to the bottom of cleaning. I'm also mortified that people have been around to my home and seen the crumb and dust filled rim as well as all the other dusty little corners I keep finding.

Looking back on the past weeks, I'm not at all in the place I thought I would be. I thought I'd be sitting in a pristine home by now, but it hasn't happened. Instead I'm sat in a home which is cleaner and more organised then it was but which still has a long way to go. Partly this is because of the Wedding which was a huge time suck but it's also partly because of  my own inertia. It's a lot harder to discipline myself then I imagined it would be and I sometimes feel a little unmotivated.

On reflection the most successful days have been the ones when I've got up early and started my work early. Cleaning by the early morning light certainly exposes the dust which is a bonus but I think it's also because once I've got up and got going I can fit more into the day. There is a sense of satisfaction and well being to be had by sitting down for lunch with most of your work done.

Speaking of a sense of satisfaction - there are some jobs I really enjoy and some I'm not so keen on.

Favourite jobs


Baking bread
Cleaning mirrors and glass - (shininess and the minty smell of my cleaning products = yay)
Vacuuming
Cleaning the bathroom

Least favourite jobs


Ironing - so boring
Washing up - too much water

Despite feeling like I still have a long way to go I'm also starting to see some really positive sides to my new life style.

• Nearly everything we eat has been made from scratch. This is healthier and cheaper.
• If a guest dropped by unannounced I wouldn't barricade myself in because of mess related shame (apart from the bedroom. The bedroom is my mess zone right now)
• Our home feels more relaxed because it is less messy and I take pleasure in sitting in the living room. It feels like a place of relaxing refuge. 

So having taken stock I'm looking for ways to move forward. One thing I've decided to is set myself a 'clean a drawer a day' challenge. I have an estimated 22 drawers and many more shelves which I need to sort out. At the moment they are the hiders of mess, the guardians of garbage. Even the drawers in the now 'neat' rooms are busting at the seams. I can't face a massive clear out but I think I can pluck up the courage to clean one a day. Whose with me?

Wednesday is 'Hello World Day'

It is one of my ambitions to get a visit from every country in the world. Here is what I have so far.

United States 144 United Kingdom 45 Canada 19 India 3 Malaysia 3 Russia 3 United Arab Emirates 2 Colombia 2 Germany 2 China 1

Woohoo! According to a website there are 198 countries in the world at the moment. That means I still have 188 countries to go.

OK, when I saw this I found the energy! Amazon town bans tourists Nazareth in Colombia says travellers don't spend much and show little respect to indigenous people.

This is an article from the Guardian about tourism.

Tourism in the Amazon

Basically this is a small village near the Amazon river, part of a region which is experiencing rising levels of tourists.

Locals have declared their town off-limits to travellers, even though this stretch of the Amazon river is playing host to more visitors than ever. Their main complaint: tourists' behaviour, and that only a fraction of the money they spend trickles down to the indigenous. "What we earn here is very little. Tourists come here, they buy a few things, a few artisan goods, and they go. It is the travel agencies that make the good money," said Juvencio Pereira, an Indigenous Guard, Nazareth's unofficial volunteer police force.

The town of 800 people, a 20-minute boat ride from the tourist hub of Leticia, takes its ban seriously. At the entrance, Pereira and other guards stand armed with their traditional sticks to deter unwelcome visitors. Nazareth resident Grimaldo Ramos feels that some tourists can't distinguish between the wildlife and the Amazon's residents, snapping photos of indigenous families as if they were another animal. "Tourists come and shove a camera in our faces," he said. "Imagine if you were sitting in your home and strangers came in and started taking photos of you. You wouldn't like it."

It is so sad that they've had to go to these lengths but unfortunately I'm not surprised. One of my pet hates are what I think of as entitled snobby travellers. I have nothing against people who go abroad on holiday or tourism in general. What I dislike are the sort of people who think they are vastly superior because they've been able to afford to get on a plane. 

There is an attitude amongst certain tourists that travelling is an essential right of passage in life, that without it you are an ignorant and lesser person. They will size you up and judge your worth depending on the number of countries you've been to and how distant they are.  There is a competitiveness in this attitude too. If you get two of these people together they will compete over who had the most 'extreme' experience, who went the furthest, the most unusual accommodation, the most rural location. 

One phrase that really gets on my wick is 'unspoilt' and I think it's pretty much tied up with the attitude the residents of Nazareth in this article are complaining about. I have often heard people saying how 'unspoilt' this particular village or location they 'discovered' was and how they think you should get there before it is 'spoilt'. In this case what they mean by spoilt is that it is visited by lots of other western people (and is therefore somehow less authentic) and generally a higher level of development usually geared towards tourism. Often they will then produce photographs which are very similar to the ones complained about in the article, shots of local people seemingly taken without their consent. 

What is particularly irritating about this attitude is that often they don't particularly care about the people they have taken photographs of and aren't particularly interested in the region. Instead it's a middle-class badge of honour, a way of demonstrating their superiority of taste and judgement. They have proof they have the wealth to travel far and have better taste so don't visit the places the 'masses' go to. It's all about showing off and not really about the travel or the place itself. 

For example I once met a classic case of this when I was at a party. Unbeknownst to the gentleman in question, I'm a Buddhist and had been for some years at that point. Because of this I'm not only fairly well versed in the various forms of Buddhism across the globe but also because I keep up with news about what's happening to Buddhists around the world; have a fairly good idea of their economic and political situations as well. 

This gentleman went on to proudly and condescendingly regal me with his stories about the South East-Asian country he had visited and to tell me all about Buddhism in that country - but he got it totally wrong. It's hard to explain but if I was to use Catholicism as an example, he essential suggested that the Catholic Church was headed by Santa Claus and that Catholics worship evolution. In short, he'd been there, he'd bought the T-shirt and was claiming to have 'done that' - except he hadn't. He hadn't listened, hadn't take anything in and he'd learned nothing from his experience. All he had was some pretty photographs, of locals of course, and a smug sense that he was better then the rest of us. When I questioned him on the political situation at the time of his visit, which was quiet tense, he was clueless. 

What's also irritating is the idea of somewhere being 'unspoilt'. A place isn't unspoilt just because it doesn't usually cater to tourists, it's just natural. A place isn't spoilt either because it's commercialised - what snobby entitled tourists refer to as 'spoilt' might just be normal living for the people who live there, it might be the course of action that they have chosen for their community. The irony of this attitude is that people who complain of an area being spoilt are part of the very so called problem that they complain about, they are tourists themselves. 

Day off

Sorry no proper post today. I've spent most of the day writing my wedding thank you cards and don't think I can write anything else!

Housewives through History

Since I first started thinking about becoming a housewife and what that meant, I began to reflect back on where housewives came from in the UK. I turned  to my friendly Google to find out more. I've come across lots of different articles and books which have given me pause for thought - but most recently I've come across a book called 'Wives and Housewives - a story for our times'.

The book was written and published in Victorian times by a women called Miss Mary Hooper. Miss Hooper began by writing articles on cooking for a magazine before moving on to writing her own books such as Little Dinners and Handbook for the Breakfast Table . She became a Professor of Domestic Sciences at the Crystal Palace School of Arts, Science and Literature. She also wrote about how housewives could run their households, most notably in 'Wives and Housewives - a story for our times'.  Luckily the text of the book is available for free online at this link.

Wives and Housewives is a novel with a moral message.

Spoiler Alert - click below if you want to read a plot synopsis. If you don't you'll have to read something else. 

Mental Health in the media

It was revealed today that England Cricketer Michael Yardy has flown home from the Cricket World Cup because he is suffering from depression.

According to the BBC he said,

"Leaving at this stage of the World Cup campaign was a very difficult decision to make," the 30-year-old said.


"But I felt it was the only sensible option for me and I wanted to be honest about the reason behind that decision."

I'm deeply saddened that he is suffering from this condition and I wish him all the best for a speedy recovery.

I also applaud him for being honest about his condition. It's not an easy thing to do, particularly given that he is a man and there is a stigma against revealing mental health issues. Statistics have shown that men are less likely to suffer from depression, but I suspect this may be because men do not often report their symptoms.

For this reason I'm very grateful that he has chosen to reveal his condition. His example may encourage other men to seek help with mental health conditions, or at least feel that they can talk about it.

Well done Sir.

OCD Frustration

I've hit a wall with my OCD today. My husband has a friend over and my contamination fears are rearing their ugly heads again.

My thought process goes something like this.

Husband's guest will come over to our house. 


Husbands guest might get sick from something in our house. 


I must clean the house from top to bottom (which I did). 


Husbands guest might get sick if I cook for him or make him a drink (despite the fact I will happily cook for husband and myself and we never get sick). 


I will not cook for him or make him a drink despite the fact that it's dinner time. (Husband has made all the drinks)


I wish husband's guest wasn't here despite him being a lovely person who is helping husbands career. 


I hate this because I know on one level that it is illogical but I can't break the pattern. So I've made my husband order a takeaway which totally contradicts my aim to make cheap meals.

I could have quiet easily made something there is plenty of food in the house but I'm just frozen with fear. I feel so disappointed in myself. What sort of hospitality am I offering to our much loved friends? None.

OCD is a monster.

Wednesday is 'Hello World' day!

Every Wednesday I'm going to be delving into the viewing statistics of my blog to see where my visitors come from. My ambition is to get a visitor from every nation on the planet!

So far I have had visitors from

• United States
• Germany
• Malaysia
• Denmark
• India
• Italy
• Sweden

That's 7 down 188 to go (or 189 depending on the fate of South Sudan. Yes I googled it)

Hellooooo World! I'm pleased to meet you!

This week I will be mostly

This week I will be mostly thinking about vegetables and trying not to spend too much.

I'm a vegetarian but somehow manage to often get through the day without eating any vegetables. This is partly because I've had a long and devoted relationship with bread, chocolate and cheese. I have often had whole days where these three wondrous ingredients have been the basis of all my meals. If there were no long term health risks I think I could quiet happily spend the rest of my eating life trying out different types of bread, goat's cheeses all mixed with liberal spreadings of  Nutella. I don't like fancypants chocolate - the stuff that's 70% or more cocoa solids or something. I prefer my chocolate diluted with lots of milk and sugar. Believe me, this isn't a consequence of my vegetarian diet - I was even worse before I became a vegetarian and I remember going through a phase of surviving on Branflakes, cheese and jam sandwiches, and baked beans with bread, enlivened only by the occasional tuna pasta bake. Since I've been a vegetarian I have by and large managed to consume a few vegetables a week.

Anyway . . .  this week I'm making our 5 a day the target of meal planning, whilst keeping an eye on the budget. I feel that since I'm responsible for all the cooking I have to be strict with myself, resist my chocolate, bread and cheese leanings a little and try to bring some vitamins into our lives. Our budget requires me to try and provide all our meals for the day for roughly £4. Luckily because vegetables (at least frozen ones) are relatively cheap it means I can do both.

Yesterday I did well. I made a vegetable omlette for lunch and then a chickpea, spinach, tomato and aubergine spiced stew for tea. I served roasted Chantenay carrots as a side dish. Target 5 achieved plus frozen left overs of the stew. One of my other missions is to have some back up meals in the freezer. By doing this I hope that I can make our budget stretch by making bigger meals in one go to avoid waste and also have something healthy ready and waiting for days when I really don't have the good health to cook, thus avoiding the need to go to the takeaway. I have to say it felt very satisfying to put portions of this dish in the freezer and it is strangely comforting to know I can just whip this out if needs be.

Today it didn't really come together on the vegetable front. I made a potato rosti for lunch. This was a recipe I haven't tried before and I love it. It's really filling and economical too. Unfortunately not very good on the vegetable front as technically potatoes don't count. Poor potatoes, all sad and disenfranchised. Tea was a little better, I made a chilli with tomato, broad beans, peas and peppers. Fortunately this recipe provided enough left overs that we can have the rest for lunch tomorrow.

At least with my left over chilli I'll have achieve at least 3 out of 5 by lunchtime which gives me plenty of scope for tea. Tomorrow for tea I have planned to make savoury pancakes - which I recently found out are a
favourite of Mr New Model Housewife. If I shove a few vegetables into those I should be fine.

So whilst I haven't quite got to grips with the vegetables, meal planning is at least going well on the economic front. I often used to plan our weeks meals but didn't always have great success in avoiding waste. Sometimes I'd be over ambitious with the recipes I'd chosen and I'd be too tired to attempt them by the end of the day, so I'd end up cooking something simple. I'm ashamed to admit that ingredients have rotted in my fridge and been thrown away. However this week it's so far so good. I've planned simple menus and am relying on frozen vegetables as well as fresh to avoid waste.

I've also been making my own bread. Despite my love of bread we somehow always seemed to end up throwing away half of a bought loaf so I thought I'd have a go at making my own. I've been using a very simple recipe which is on the back of the packet of Allinson's yeast. I've also been avoiding kneeding and have instead been using the dough hooks on my hand mixer. A little lazy it's true but the last time I tried to kneed dough some years ago I ended up causing a spasm in my neck and had to walk with my head at a angle for a couple of days. It was either that or the Bangra for fitness exercises I'd been trying that day but I didn't want to take the chance again.

So far it's been fairly good.

My bread rising in front of the dryer

The bread has been tasty even if it looks a little bit dishevelled and wonky.

This is what you call a 'rustic' crust

Bread is still tasty even when it's wonky

So far we've not thrown any away. This is probably because a) warm bread is irresistible and b) I have an extremely cheap bread knife and poor cutting skills so each loaf generates about 8 slices. 

Still it's a step in the right direction and flour and water are generally cheaper then a supermarket loaf. 

Well I think I'll sign off now and get myself a slice of bread. I've got a jar of Nutella in the cupboard.

Poll News

I asked my readers if they would like to become a housebod or if they would rather run away and join the circus. A massive number of 2 people voted and they unanimously voted that they would rather run away and join the circus. So that's Circus 1 Housebods 0.

Oh well.

New poll is on the right.

I'm back

At this moment I'm slumped on my bed recovering from the post wedding post honeymoon whirlwind. I had a lovely time and it was all wonderful but I'm glad to get back to normality. Unfortunately I'm suffering from horrible period pains which I usually do when I've undergone some form of stress. I was planning to do some spring cleaning today but that's all gone out of the window now. Oh well, lets hope for less stomach grinding pain tomorrow.

While I was away I came across this very sad article in the Daily Mail.

Confessions of a very reluctant househusband

To sum the article up this man in his 40's is made redundant from a very high powered job. His circumstances are such that his wife goes back to work and he stays home to look after the children. He hates it because he feels that he is less of a man because he doesn't provide for his family.

To me this is very sad and an example of how rigid gender roles still seem to be. Most women would not feel guilty for loosing a job and being a stay at home mother. If anything they would be praised for it in some quarters. Clearly this man still feels the pressure to 'be a man' in terms of bringing home a wage. Luckily his partner clearly values him for his support at home and shows her gratitude to him when he looks after the children when they are sick.

However the pressures of wider society have made him feel bad about himself which is ridiculous. He saw nothing wrong with his partner staying home with the children but somehow it is unacceptable to him when the situation is reversed. Why? The children are happy and well cared for, as far as I'm concerned that is a job well done. I appreciate that some of his distress is because of the adjustment and also loosing his career, but clearly some of it is routed in his feelings of inadequacy because he's doing a 'women's role'. 

His attitude clearly illustrates two points, the first being that housework and childrearing is still considered inferior to working outside of the home and secondly that it is considered a women's role and a man is somehow less of a man if he takes it on.

Clearly as a society we still have a lot of work to do to break down these perceptions about housework. Nobody should be made to feel bad because they are a homebod, regardless of their gender, age, relationship status, educational level or financial status.

On holiday

Hi folks,

I'm taking a break for a week and a bit as I'm getting married this weekend. See you around the 21st.

Hopes on International Women's Day

Warning: This post may be triggering for some people. It includes disturbing statistics about violence and abuse conducted against women as well as references to suicide and rape. 

The 8th March is International Women's Day. It's an opportunity to reflect on the amazing achievements of women world wide. It's also a chance to think about the problems that are typically faced by women simply because of their gender.

Here are some sobering facts.

• Women hold only 19% of parliamentary seats worldwide
• 29% of national governments have no laws to protect women against violence
• One in five women will be a victim of rape or attempted rape in her lifetime
• One in four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime
• In the UK a white women experiencing domestic violence will have 11 contacts with agencies to get the help she needs, black women will have 17.
• In the UK rates of suicide amongst young South Asian women are double that of the rest of the population.
• Only 12% of boardroom seats in the UK are occupied by women
• 75% of people killed in conflict are women and children
• 64% of the worlds illiterate adults are women
• Of 1.2 billion people living in poverty 70% are women. 
• In the USA women of colour are more likely to live in poverty and as a result have reduced access to health care in comparison with white women.
• On average in the UK women of Pakistani and Bangladeshi origin earn only 56% of what white men earn.
• 80% of refugees are women
• Women own only 1% of the worlds land
• 80% of UK purchasing decisions are made by women but 83% of 'creatives' are men.
• One year after college women earn 20% less then men and ten years later, 31% less.
• Transgender women are more likely to experience violence, and domestic violence. Up to 80% of transgender people have experienced violence at some point.  
• It is estimated that 30,000 women in the UK will lose their job as a result of becoming pregnant each year. 
• Research into issues faced by disabled women is so scarce and anecdotal that it is difficult to even find reliable statistics about the issues these women face. Disabled women are highly marginalised, generally live in poverty, have less access to education and are more likely to struggle to get work.  
• Women are more likely to suffer from depression and post traumatic stress disorder as a result of sexual assault. 

Below are the links from where this information was taken.

Feminism's global challenge: With one voice

http://www.internationalwomensday.com/facts.asp

.socwomen.org

thefword

Women of color united

Fawcett society

UN women watch

WHO

In the face of statistics like these it's easy to feel hopeless. I certainly did by the time I'd finished doing my research for this post. I don't know what I, as a fairly privileged white able bodied women (although admittedly somewhat disadvantaged by my mental health problem) living in a very safe and privileged nation , can do.

I don't really have any answers but I have decided to promise myself a few things.

1. Every time there is an election in this country I will contact all the potential candidates in my ward, provide them with some of these statistics and ask them what they would do to counteract these problems should they come to power. I don't know what this will achieve but I hope that it will at least make them stop and think about issues facing women.
2. I will write at least one post a month about difficulties faced by women.
3. I will showcase at least one amazing woman a month.

I also have some wider hopes for women generally which can be summed up as 'Let's stop being cruel to each other and start treating each other with kindness'. 

My feeling is this. As women we face so many horrific problems in the world, we can't afford to waste time and energy criticising each other over trivial issues. So many magazines, news sources and websites feature articles that are negative about women. Women's looks and lifestyles are criticised. Women are told they should stay at home or go to work. They are told their children shouldn't be in childcare or that they are spoiling their children with too much attention. Women are told they are too fat and if they lose weight, too thin. Women's images are nearly always airbrushed into an impossible perfection. Unfortunately it seems to me that at least some of this material is generated by women themselves. It's also widely consumed by women  who buy mainstream publications marketed towards women

It's my hope that I can at least use my decisions over my spending money and web travel to stop feeding into this. So from today I'm going to do these five things. 

1. I will never again criticise the looks, weight, height or any other physical aspect of a celebrity.
2. I will never buy any magazine or visit any website that advertises plastic surgery, criticises celebrities for looking too fat or too thin or is generally degrading to women.
3. I will buy no designer clothes, shoes or other items until designers stop using models who achieve their weight through an unhealthy and dangerous lifestyle.
4. I will not engage in 'fat talk', criticise my own body or help other women to criticise their own bodies.
5. I will not criticise another women's lifestyle choices, or engage in the stay at home vs work or mummy wars type debates. I will celebrate women living the best lifestyle for themselves.

It's a small thing but I hope that I can at least make a difference in my small corner of the world. 

Potato Triumph!

As you will see from this pile of potato peelings the war against potato waste has been won!

"Peelings, nothing more then peelings"

The observant amongst you will have spotted that there are also some leek peelings on my chopping board. The last of my potatoes went into a leek and potato soup, some of which I will be eating for lunch tomorrow and some of which will be frozen. The leeks were donated by my lovely in-laws.

I'm hoping to get into the habit of making a couple of meals in advance and freezing them so that I can whip something out and stick it in the oven on the days when I feel too flibertyfloppertied to cook.

There is a gentle sense of satisfaction to be gained from standing over a bubbling stock pot full of the warm comforting essence of soup.

OCD in the media

In today's Daily Mail is an article about a woman's experience of suffering from OCD. It's a pretty moving and sad article. Of course I'm grateful everytime that the media highlights OCD because I hope that it provides a wake up call for people who might be suffering from OCD but don't know it.

Unfortunately I think the headline is a bit sensationalist and doesn't really match the tone of the article. It's pretty aggressive and accuses Sarah, the OCD sufferer, of nearly destroying her marriage. The title says "Sarah's obsessive, irrational fears have almost destroyed her marriage . . . Would YOU stay with a wife terrified of everyday life?" For a start her partner says that while he's found it hard to cope with her OCD, he has sought help, tried to understand her condition, been supportive and ultimately loves her and doesn't want to leave her. To me, the title suggests that the opposite and that there is something almost miraculous in a person wanting to stay with a person who has OCD.

Daily Mail article

A potato challenge

Photographs on this post will be posted as soon as I can work out why posting isn't working!

I love potatoes. I love how versatile they are, how easy it is to cook them and their soft creamy carbohydratiness. I still have fond memories of potato dishes I ate years ago. I remember with fondness the gentle deliciousness of the boiled new potatoes I ate at my sister in laws wedding. I love them so much that sometimes when I'm alone and only have to cook for myself I'll eat a big bowl of boiled potato with just butter and a pinch of salt.

However when I was single I got out of the habit of cooking with potatoes mostly because most of a bag of them would sprout before I'd had chance to use them. Now however because I'm on a tight cooking budget I'm trying to avoid all waste and find cheap ingredients to bulk up my meals, so potatoes are back on my shopping list. I bought a 2.5kg bag today and so far have served them boiled with some quorn fillets, gravy and Yorkshire puddings.

I'm determined that not one potato in this bag will go to waste. So far I'm planning to use them in a carrot soup, cubed and fried and hopefully even bake a few to serve with a chilli. My only concern is that this particular bag of potatoes are supposedly best boiled. Confusingly the bag also says something about potatoes being versatile. 21st Century life is already confusing enough without mixed messages about potatoes.

My plan to make my potatoes last is being aided by my latest purchase from the Lakeland shop in the form of this handy potato bag.

Let the potato challenge commence!

Marriage, Divorce and public funds

There have been a few news items recently about divorcing couples and how they will now be encouraged to seek mediation to sort out their disputes before they go to court. 


The Justice Minister Mr Djanogly said to the BBC that;

mediation was "a quicker, cheaper and more amicable alternative" to the over-worked family courts.

The measures for England and Wales, focused on child custody and financial disputes, come into force on 6 April.

Domestic violence and child protection cases will still go to court.

Mr Djanogly said: "Nearly every time I ask someone if their stressful divorce battle through the courts was worth it, their answer is 'no'.

"Mediation already helps thousands of legally aided people across England and Wales every year, but I am concerned those funding their own court actions are missing out on the benefits it can bring.

Continue reading the main story

"Now everyone will have the opportunity to see if it could be a better solution than going straight to court."

BBC article - Divorcing couples to go through mediation before court

I think this is great news, a really good sensible programme and I hope that it will reduce the pain and suffering associated with divorce for many people. 

I do wonder however if a more proactive approach to marriage in general would be more appropriate. Surely we should be investing some funds helping to prevent couples from having to go through the financial and emotional pain of divorce in the first place?

As a nation we don't seem to provide any resources for couples who are about to get married to advise them on how to have a good relationship and a happy and functional married life. It is as though we assume that this should come naturally, that it is something we should just be able to do. However the number of divorces is on the rise, so that can't be true.

When I got engaged I did some quick research into pre-marriage couples courses and couldn't find any that were not privately run. The Catholic Church seems to be the only religious organisation that offers pre marriage counselling on a large scale basis. Of course individual religious groups may also offer these services. Even Relate, the famous UK marriage counselling service, seems to only offer counselling services for couples already facing difficulties not for those just hoping to explore ways to have a more functional and secure relationship in future. As far as I know these services are not free and couples would have to pay to have any type of counselling. 

Unable to find a course that suited me I turned to books instead and I found some excellent ones,some of which I will review on this blog at a later date. I found some of the advice in these books to be very helpful and I'm planning to put into practice their advice and also review them on a regular basis. Until I'd read them, I thought my relationship was fairly functional and I wasn't particularly worried about divorce. After all both myself and my partner come from parents who have been in long and happy marriages. I didn't really have any fears that marriage was something I wouldn't be able to do. However the books showed me otherwise, there were areas of concern and I was behaving in ways that could be destructive.

Who knows what might have happened had I not taken the time to read these books and to sit and think about my relationship and how it works. I believe that our Government should invest in providing relationship courses for married and cohabiting couples that offer advice and support along the lines of these books. Marriage or cohabitation is a huge investment for an individual and for society as a whole, I think it's time we put the effort in to taking better care of it.